In this article, we will look into ten mistakes married couples make about sex in their marriage.
First of all let’s point out what the bible said in the book of 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal right and the wife should do same to her husband. For the wife does not rule over her own body, but the husband and also the husband does not rule over his own body, but the wife. Do not refuse each other except perhaps by agreement for a reason, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, lest Satan tempts you through lack of self-control.
Married couples makes numerous mistakes about sex in their marriage, we will take a look at ten of them.
1.GIVE AND TAKE. Many married couples give themselves to each other on the bases of trade by barter, making sex a ‘give and take business’ in the sense that it is given for something in return or done in return for a favour. For instance a woman says to her husband, no sex for you until you meet my needs, no sex for you until you give me money for the family upkeep or for children’s school fees. That might put her husband in the danger and temptation of getting it from someone else.
2. USING FASTING AS A TRICK. Fasting and prayers are vital moments we have with God; moments we refrain from a sexual relationship. Many couples miss-use this time and use it as a trick on their partners to avoid fulfilling their bedroom responsibility. Your fasting must be in agreement with your partners before you go ahead. You are to come together again after your fasting so that you will not give advantage to the flesh over your marriage. Please note that 60 days of fasting is not 60 days without sex except if it is a “marathon” fasting. The latest Fasting is usually From 6am to 6pm, so after breaking your fast at 6pm (for instance), satisfy your partner sexually, don’t engage in long fasting just because you want to avoid sex with your partner. You may end up hurting yourself
3. SHYNESS. Most couples allow shyness to take over them that they fail to satisfy each. One of your roles in marriage is to satisfy each other sexually. You need to be bold and wise enough to ask your partner what he or she wants and the way he or she wants it in order to be satisfied, then go ahead to do them. Protect yourselves from the danger of getting satisfaction outside your marriage. Proverbs 5:19 said ‘Let her be a lovely hind, a graceful doe. let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love’. Strive to improve your sexual life by reading good books and taking care of yourself to look neat and appealing.
4. MAKINGS A CALENDAR FOR SEX. Satisfy each other any day, any time; not on fixed days. Do not make your marriage sexless, where partners have to struggle, plead, beg and fight before having sex with each other. Make sex lively, keep the fire of your sex life burning and make your partner melt in the warmth of your love. You must never allow any other man or any other woman to sleep with you apart from your life partner. It is unrighteous, unholy and unacceptable to God.
5. COMMITTING YOUR PARTNER INTO THE HANDS OF A HOUSE MAID. As a wife, It’s not advisable to have a grown-up female maid but if you must have one; never abandon your duties for your house maid. She may clean your husband’s room, make his bed, wash his clothes but you should be the only one to prepare and serve him his meals, care for him generally and to sleep with him. Don’t take on jobs that will give you little or no time to care for your family. Be like the Proverbs 31:15 woman: ‘She rises while it is yet night, and provide food for her household, and tasks for her maidens’.
6. USING PREGNANCY AS AN EXCUSE. Many married women use pregnancy as excuse to avoid sex with their husbands. Sex can be enjoyed during pregnancy, it’s actually healthy for you and your unborn baby. Many fear sex during pregnancy can harm your unborn baby, but that’s false. As the pregnancy advances, research for and try different sex positions that are comfortable for you.
7. USING SEX AS A PUNISHMENT. Do not use sex as a punishment for an offense, don’t ask if sex is food, study your partner and give them what they wants, the way they want it. You can be angry with your partner, point out the offense, apologize to each other, forgive each other and move on, don’t let your anger get in the way of your sexual lives.
8. HATING SEX IN MARRIAGE. You should not get married if you hate sex because sex is part of marriage, you can’t be expecting peace in your marriage and be a hater of sex. If you hate sex, you may not enjoy your partner. Your husband likes it, it is his need and right. You can’t afford not to create room in your heart for it with your husband.
9. COMMITING YOUR HUSBAND INTO THE HANDS OF YOUR FRIENDS. If you are travelling don’t tell your friends to come to your house to take care of your children on your behalf. It could be the worst decision you ever made. Also discussing your sexual life with your friends can be dangerous. For instance, you tell your friends that your husband loves sex so much that he doesn’t allow you to rest, he wants it every night, he is never tired. That is the information your friend who is sexually starved in her own marriage needs to go after your husband and eventuall snatch your husband away from you. Likewise the men. Your sex life is a private life, discuss it only with your partner.
10. COMPLAINING THAT YOUR PARTNER IS TOO SEX DEMANDING. Most women want sex twice or thrice a month, both most men want sex two or three times a week. So, it is not strange if your husband’s sexual desire is stronger than yours. That is how God made men, that is how it is in most bedrooms, your husbands is not different from any other married man. In every animal group, the male is generally stronger than their female counterpart. Your husband is just being normal by demanding for sex. Be ready to satisfy him always. If your husband does not ask for sex in months, you should be worried rather than rejoicing or indifferent about it.
In conclusion, sex is what makes marriage different from other relationships. Sex is what makes you different from the other women in his life. So, if your husband reduces sexual desire from you for some weeks, you should ask questions. If he does not ask you out in the bed for three weeks you should be worried, maybe he has another sexual satisfier outside. It is not a thing of celebration if your husband does not bother you for sex for weeks, it may be dangerous. Don’t loose your partner, your marriage, your love. Don’t become uninteresting. Remember that sex is very important in your marriage.